[ICEPICK]

WORLD SERIES STATEMENT: PRESIDENT BUSH URGES ECSTATIC NORTHEASTERNERS TO SAVOR THEIR FIRST AND LAST TAXACHUSETTS UPSET VICTORY OF 2004
Statement by the President


THE PRESIDENT: Good morning. Last night saw the conclusion of a great American tradition, as the 2004 World Series finished up early after a four-game shutout.

Now my personal love for the game of baseball is well known. So well known, in fact, that back when my daddy was President, some real nice guys who needed some political favors gave me a $14 million ownership stake in the Texas Rangers for only $100,000. And boy was that hard work! Because while the other owners got to travel around and do all the easy business stuff, I had to sit tight and watch every game to make sure the beer was chilled and the Oscar Myers were overpriced! But that's why I have the expertness to sum up the 2004 Series.

So Boston beat St. Louis. Big deal. We're talking about Missouri, after all. Like anyone would expect real competition from the same state that re-elected Dick Gephardt thirteen times. I mean, if their Congressman has no eyebrows, should anyone be surprised that their ball players don't have enough fuzz on their nutsacks to whoop a bunch of homo-marrying nancy boys from Faggachusetts? Presidential Memo to the Cards: if you spent as much time practicing as you do sucking down Budweiser longnecks, you wouldn't slip in Clydesdale shit as often.

Now to be fair, I do owe St. Louis some gratitude. My family's money – I mean the stuff that wasn't made influence peddling and doing that low risk insider-trading thing – originally came from St. Louis. But there is a reason why you always hear about the Bush part of the family and not the Walker branch, even though they had all the cash. The Bushes were smart enough not to stay in shithole like St. Louis!

Now I know that today, the people of Boston – along with the whole state of Massachusetts – are all fired up and probably still going through the dry heaves from all that delicious Sam Adams. Ah, the misty water color memories. It seems like just yesterday. But, in truth, it was the day before. Anyway, I bet the whole Northeast must be pretty fired up – on account of the Red Sox is the only major league franchise in all of New England. Man, six whole states all rooting for the same team. How pathetic is that? You losers are like a Mormon dude with only one nine year-old wife! Now that I think about it, I'm not even sure I want to win New Hampshire next week. I mean, why would I want electoral votes from people so stupid, they root for another state's loser team decade after embarrassingly humiliating decade?

Anyway, as I was saying, I know that this morning finds millions and millions of Blue State Red Sox fans buzzing harder than Bill O'Reilly's vibrator. You all think that since your team won the World Series, that now you're on some kind of roll or something. You think that just because your scruffy crew of mulletted steroid-engorged, hot bubble-butts totally lucked out through no talent of their own, that it's got some kind of cosmic significance. Like Jesus rolled the roulette wheel of life and screamed, "Hot damn, New England wins it all!" You think it's a good omen, and that now your beanpole Senator is going to win the White House.

Well think again, my atheistical New Englandians. Because this election is already in the bag. Ask any True Christian and they'll tell you: Jesus ain't no turf-chomping lezbo, but He only grooves on Bush. And by giving the Northeast the sports equivalent of a mercy ****, what Jesus is doing is psyching you out. He's throwing you a bone, lifting your hopes sky high, if only so He and I can laugh all the harder next Tuesday when Diebold runs its "I Feel A Miracle Coming On!" software to make the election fair and balanced like Fox News, and then reality bitch-slaps you liberal fruitloops all the way back to political Siberia.

So read my butt lips: yours truly WILL be re-selected – no matter what how many homos in Boston learn to catch a baseball – because I haven't spent the last seven months playing Weekend at Bernies with Bill Rehnquist's cancer-ravaged corpse for nothing!

Thank you, and God Bless me.

[Stryker412]

There was a story yesterday on Yahoo News about the connection between the election and the last Washington Redskins home game before the election. Apparently ever since the Redskins have been around (since 1933) the last home game has predicted the outcome of the election. If Washington wins, than the incumbent stays in office. If they lose, then the challenger wins the election.

This weekend Washington plays Green Bay at home. Let's all root for Green Bay.

[ICEPICK]

LMAO there was a poll taken among high schoolers & they have been right 11 times out of 12.........They show Bush winning.............

[Knottwobad]

What happens if they tie? I think that means Ralph Nader wins

[ICEPICK]

Can the Winner of the World Series Predict the Presidential Election?


Can the winner of the World Series predict who will become President of the United States? If the American League wins, will that mean four more years with President Bush? If the National League wins, does that mean Kerry will become the 44th president?

Until 1976, it appeared that the World Series was an accurate predictor of the presidential race. From 1952 to 1976, if the American League won the World Series, then the President would be a Republican. If the National League won, then the election would go to the Democrat. However, it all changed after that.

Previous to the 2000 election when George Bush beat out Al Gore to become the 42nd president, the World Series had incorrectly predicted the last three elections.

However, with the Yankees (American League) win in 2000, the superstition held true. Bush won the election through the electoral college even though he was defeated in the popular vote.
Seriously, though, many Americans swear by patterns and coincidences to help them predict presidential elections. Other examples of 'predictors' from past and present years include the following:

If the Washington Redskins win the week of the election, this means a win for the incumbent party. This has held true since 1936.
Whoever's Halloween mask sells the most will be the next president. (If more kids want to be Kerry than Bush...)
When companies produce 'competing' products, whichever sells the most is supposed to predict the winner. For example, if a company has cups with images of Bush and Kerry in 2004, the one which outsells the other would be a predictor.
If the Dow Jones Average gains over the time from August to October, this predicts a win for the incumbent.
If the Los Angeles Lakers win the the championship, then the Republican candidate will win.
Obviously some of these predictors have a greater basis in reality than others. While most people would say that the Lakers or the Redskins winning is more chance than anything else, the state of the economy does have a huge impact on the presidential election.

After all of these predictors, are we any closer to knowing who will win the 2004 election? As of this writing, no. What we do know is that the election will probably be close and will be hotly contested no matter what the outcome. However, one thing is fairly certain, at least for this year, President Bush will be rooting for the American League team and Kerry will be cheering on the National League team as the 2004 World Series draws to an end. This might prove hard for Kerry with the breaking of the long time Red Sox curse with their spectacular win in game seven.

[ICEPICK]

Weekly Reader kids select Bush in Presidential Poll

The students who read Weekly Reader’s magazines have made their preference for President known: they want to send President Bush back to the White House.

The results of this year’s Weekly Reader poll have just been announced, and the winner is President Bush. Hundreds of thousands of students participated, giving the Republican President more than 60% of the votes cast and making him a decisive choice over Democratic Senator John Kerry.

Since 1956, Weekly Reader students have correctly picked the president 11 out of 12 times, making the Weekly Reader poll one of the most accurate predictors of presidential outcomes in history.

President Bush was a strong winner in the student poll; the only state Senator Kerry won was Maryland. Senator Kerry was also in a statistical dead heat with President Bush in New York, Massachusetts, Washington, D.C. and Vermont. President Bush won most grades, although Senator Kerry did win among tenth-graders.

This year students caught election fever, with an increase of more than 20% in the number of students participating in the Weekly Reader poll than in any prior year. While there were participants from grades K through 12, third- and fourth-graders were the most enthusiastic voters. More than 57,000 students from each of those two grades voted.

The presidential poll, in which teachers collected their students’ votes and forwarded them to an independent polling company to be tabulated, is part of Weekly Reader’s “Promote the Vote” program, created to teach students about the election process, the issues, the candidates, and how democracy works.

“This program teaches students that voting is a privilege and a responsibility,” said Emily Swenson, President of Weekly Reader. “Through this authentic experience, we are hoping students will become advocates and lifelong voters. And even though the election may be over in eight days, the learning will continue.”

As part of the Promote the Vote Program, Weekly Reader will also conduct an essay contest called Write Your Own Acceptance Speech. In this contest, students from grades three through 12 will be asked to write the speech they would give if they were going to be inaugurated as President in January. Contest rules will be posted at the Weekly Reader Website (www.weeklyreader.com) beginning November 8.

To select this year’s presidential poll winner, classrooms across the country submitted ballots, called in results via a toll-free number, or voted online. The results were tabulated by Zogby International, which has been conducting public opinion polls since 1984.

[ASH...HOUSEWARES]

elect ash's mom 2004!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[=HR=Red_Devil]

2nd's Ash's vote!