Funny Joke(Clean)

GorroXXII · 02-09-2005, 04:47 PM

Subject: Trees

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but,
here is one:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small
tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is
that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell.
Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that
is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of
the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a
birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker
in."

Wipe that smile off your face.

ASH...HOUSEWARES · 02-09-2005, 04:59 PM

An Irish daughter had not been back home for more than five years.
Upon her return, her father cussed her out, "Where have you been all this time?
Why don't you write? Don't you know what you put your old mom through?"
The girl, crying replied, "Sniff...Dad, I became a prostitute..."
"WHAT! Out of here you shameless harlot, I don't ever want to see you
again!
"O. K. Dad, I just came home to give Mom this luxury fur coat, title deeds to a 10 bedroom mansion, plus a savings account certificate for $5 million.
For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for you, Daddy, a spanking new Mercedes
limited edition convertible and an invitation for you all to spend New Year's Eve
aboard my new yacht in the Riviera and....."
Wait a minute now, "Now what was it you said you had become?" the father says.
"A prostitute, Dad."
"Oh, bejesus, you scared me half to death girl, I thought you said
Protestant. "Come give your old man a hug."

*SW€D€* · 02-09-2005, 06:15 PM

ASH....That sucked

*SSP*FozzyBear · 02-10-2005, 02:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *SW€D€*

ASH....That sucked

It was funny if you know any REAL Irish though

And GORRO..... I'm still smiling

ASH...HOUSEWARES · 02-10-2005, 08:19 AM

[font=arial][font=Times New Roman][size=3]Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they have many drinks and pick up two ladies and take them to their separate hotel rooms. [/size][/font][/font]
[font=arial][font=Times New Roman][size=3]The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. [/size][/font][/font]
[font=arial][font=Times New Roman][size=3]His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of "Here I come again......ONE, TWO, THREE...UUH!" all nightlong.[/size][/font][/font]
[font=arial][font=Times New Roman][size=3][/size][/font] [/font]
[font=arial][font=Times New Roman][size=3][/size][/font][font=Times New Roman][size=3]In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" [/size][/font][/font]
[font=arial][font=Times New Roman][size=3]The first mutters, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection." [/size][/font][/font]
[font=arial][font=Times New Roman][size=3]The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarassing?[/size][/font][/font]
[font=Times New Roman][size=3]I couldn't even get on the bed!"[/size][/font]

ASH...HOUSEWARES · 02-10-2005, 08:36 AM

One evening, a man walks into a bar and asks for six shots of whiskey.
The bartender says, "Six shots? What's wrong?"

"I found out my older brother is gay," replied the man.

The next night, he walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of
whiskey. "What now?" asked the bartender.

"I found out my younger brother is gay," replied the man.

The night after that, the man walked into the bar again and asked for
six shots of whiskey. "Gee, buddy, does ANYBODY in your family like women?" asked the bartender.

To which the man replied, "Yeah, my wife does."

ASH...HOUSEWARES · 02-11-2005, 08:45 AM

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. It's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

The man replied, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle... My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head
in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on,
and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No, I think I'll just wait for the police..."