Icepicks Joke Thread

ICEPICK · 07-12-2005, 12:53 PM

Hm we will see if these are too racey lol

Whats the difference between oral and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your day
Anal sex will make your HOLE WEEK!

ICEPICK · 07-12-2005, 12:54 PM

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl who I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.

"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."

"Sensible" says Jeff.

"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."

"And what happened then?" Asked Jeff

"I kicked her in the face."

*SW€D€* · 07-12-2005, 12:58 PM

ICEPICK · 07-12-2005, 01:01 PM

one day a white guy went to jail for sexual assault. in his jailcell he saw that his cellmate was a big black man. the black guy went up to the white guy and said, "hey. to get to know each other lets play house. u wanna be the mommy or the daddy?" the white guy thought about it for a while and said "i'll be the dad" so the black guy said "then come over here and suck mommy's Member"

ICEPICK · 07-12-2005, 01:04 PM

A man walks into a whorehouse and asks the madam,"Pardon me madam, are you a union whorehouse?"
She replies:"No, were not"
HE says: "THEN you can't have my business because I only shop at union businesses."
He walks into a second whorehouse and asks the madam,"Pardon me madam, are you a union whorehouse?"
She replies:"No, were not"
HE says: "THEN you can't have my business because I only shop at union businesses."
He then walks into a third whorehouse and asks the madam,"Pardon me madam, are you a union whorehouse?"
She replies:"Why, yes we are."
HE says: "THEN you have my business because I only shop at union businesses, and I'll take that pretty blond in the corner."
She replies:"OH I'm sorry you can't have her, you have to take the fat ugly one because she has seniority."

Fook_Yu · 07-12-2005, 01:05 PM

I have to go. tomorrow i will post some reply jokes. I will see if i can find some good ones about amercians.

*SW€D€* · 07-12-2005, 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fook_Yu

I have to go. tomorrow i will post some reply jokes. I will see if i can find some good ones about amercians.

Looking forwad to that

ICEPICK · 07-12-2005, 01:12 PM

A guy comes into a doctor and says he wants a longer dick as his is simply to short. The doctor comes up with an expensive surchery (or however you spell that) but the guy simply has no money. In the end the doctor gets a bit annoyed and tells him to tie a rope to his dick and attach some weight to it. That will make it larger. The guy leaves totally happy. A month later the doctor meets the guy on the street and asks him if his problem has been solved. Well, the guy replies, my dick has not become larger yet. But I'm optimistic, because it already turned black!

Fooks Joke

ICEPICK · 07-12-2005, 03:00 PM

A man woke up one day and wasn't feeling so good so he called his boss and said "Boss I no feel good, Me not come in to work today" so then the boss replies "I tell you what, when I no feel good I stay in home and I have sex with my wife, she make everything all better and then i go to work, you should try some time" man says "thanks for advice boss i go now bye"........click, hang up......later on the man shows up to work and tells his boss "thanks for advice boss, I feel A-OK, by the way boss you have nice house"

ICEPICK · 07-12-2005, 08:46 PM

John woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors, and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."

"He's an idiot," John said. "Piss on him."

"You did," his wife said, "and he fired you."

"Well, screw him!" said John.

His wife replied, "I did. You're back at work on Monday."