[ASH...HOUSEWARES]

Redneck Special Forces

The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces. These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

We expect the problem in Iraq to end by Friday.

[DinkyPoopStick]

hahaha

[ASH...HOUSEWARES]

> A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering
> things, so they decide to go to the doctor for a Checkup. The doctor
> tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start
> writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while
> watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
> His wife asks, "Where are you going?"
> "To the kitchen" he replies.
> "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
> "Sure."
> "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"
> she asks.
> "No, I can remember it."
> "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write
> it down because you know you'll forget it."
> He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with
> strawberries."
> "I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so
> you'd better write it down!" she retorts.
> Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember
> it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I
> got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen. After about
> 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and
> hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
> She stares at the plate for a moment and says - "Where's my toast?


> Keep Reading
>
> > A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear
> > you're getting married?"
> > "Yep!"
> > "Do I know her?"
> > "Nope!"
> > "This woman, is she good looking?"
> > "Not really."
> > "Is she a good cook?"
> > "Naw, she can't cook too well."
> > "Does she have lots of money?"
> > "Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
> > "Well then, is she good in bed?"
> > "I don't know."
> > "Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
> > "Because she can still drive!"
> >
> > Keep Reading
> >
> > Three old guys are out walking.
> > First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
> > Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"
> > Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."


> > Keep Reading
> >
> > A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost
> > me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's
> > perfect."
> > "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
> > "Twelve thirty."


> > Keep Reading


> > Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few
> > days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous
> > young woman on his arm.
> > A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're
> > really doing great, aren't you?"
> > Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc. 'Get a hot mamma
> > and be cheerful.'"
> > The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart
> > murmur. Be careful.'"
> >
> > Keep Reading
> >
> > A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
> > himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he
> > ordered a banana split.
> > The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
> > "No," he replied, "arthritis."


Stop Reading

[Dvshadow]

heh, Nice

[DinkyPoopStick]

every one of them reminds me of Florida